Of the bounty of 2010′s Onion-based hilarity, this one is the clear winner:

Close, but no cigar: “Breaking News: Some Bullshit Happening Somewhere”, “Thousands of Girls Match Description of Missing Sorority Sister” and “O-SPAN Classic: CIA Accidentally Overthrows Costa Rica”.

Wow… just by virtue of these videos’ titles this may be the most profane post in the history of C&B. Might as well make it official. Or rather, fuck it — might as well make this shit official. Shit fuck piss. Goddamned cunt. Cocksucker motherfucker sis-boom-bah. There, that oughta do it.

Another important detail about this video: if my #7 video is NSFW (and it is), this one is very NSFW. I’m just sayin’.

So here it is, featuring Rich Sommer (Mad Men), Alison Brie (Mad Men, Community), and my friend Kathryn Joosten (The West Wing, Wedding Crashers, Desperate Housewives, etc).

I’ll tell you one thing: I’ve heard Kathy say far dirtier stuff.

Via the L.A. Times:

A trial began this week in the case of a man accused of stalking and making threatening phone calls to a Huntington Beach police detective.

Brian Dopler, 27, is charged with felony criminal threats and stalking of the detective between Jan. 8 and Feb. 10, according to the Orange County district attorney’s office.

Look, I understand that stalking isn’t exactly a logic-driven crime… but if you can’t at least pick your spots better than that, you really should get out less often.

[Dopler] pleaded not guilty to the charges. [He] is accused of calling the detective 14 times and leaving phone messages to harass him. Dopler’s messages were full of swear words and he told the detective he was being followed.

“Swear words?” Who’s covering the O.C. crime beat for the Times now, a fifth grader?

As for you, Mr. Dopler, good job on the not guilty plea. Other than the 14 voicemail messages, they don’t have a shred of evidence against you.

Tell me, people — am I the only one who is reminded of this:

Really, I am flabbergasted. That is just plain inappropriate, and I can’t imagine what possessed him to say it. I know Biden is prone to gaffes, but this is major. Think about it: after scratching and clawing through the fetid political muck for well over a year, Obama signed the historic health care reform bill into law, and Biden says it’s “A big fucking deal?”

No I say, NO! Ho-ly FUCKING shit, it is a HUGE fucking deal! I mean, fuck me running, that is ass-kickingly goddamned big. Suck it, FOX News punditiots, because Yes We Did! This long-overdue victory for the sane majority and the good of all Americans is, quite simply, tits.

Of course, it would be way better if we’d got single-payer, or at least a public option. Then I would set off all seven of George Carlin’s words, lighting up the blog post like magnificent fireworks of profanity. For now I’ll take what I can get — I’m a reasonable man (which is more than I can say for the teabagging cretins who tried to thwart the bill).

As for Vice-President Biden, be more careful next time. I don’t want to hear any more of that kind of egregious understatement out of you.

It was a bad call—or at the very least, an inappropriately persnickety call at that critical point in the match.  Williams stalked toward the offending judge, pointing at her with the hand in which she was gripping the ball for her next serve. An anecdotal consensus has formed that she declared her intention to “shove this ball down your fucking throat.”

Not cool, to be sure. However, considered against the broader history of sports tirades it was small-fry stuff. The following are but two examples of what I mean.

Salty-tongued former Baltimore Orioles manager Earl Weaver was famously argumentative. Over his 16-year managing career he was ejected from 97 games, which remains an American League record 23 years after his retirement from baseball.  The guy was a screaming-match innovator—he developed the technique of turning his cap around backward in order to get as far into the umpire’s face as possible without touching him.

Fortunately for history, one of Weaver’s ejections took place on a night in 1980 when umpire Bill Haller happened to be wearing a microphone for a documentary about Major League umpires. The fun began when Haller, umpiring at first base, called a balk on Orioles pitcher Mike Flanagan. In the video, Orioles first baseman Eddie Murray protests briefly to Haller before Weaver arrives in the picture:

[UPDATE:  It's worth noting that in 1996, Earl Weaver was indeed voted into the Baseball Hall of Fame.]

Makes Serena Williams seem a bit tame by comparison, at least in terms of total profanity volume.

But Earl Weaver seems downright cuddly next to this rant by Serbian basketball star Darko Milicic. Following an overtime loss to Greece in the 2007 European Championships, Milicic’s fury at the referees achieves a level of foulmouthed malice that is truly Mamet-esque. I can’t decide whether to give Milicic credit for taking his ire off the court, or discredit for saying it into a bunch of press microphones.

I don’t know what to make of the fact that somebody translated all that from Serbian into English and made a subtitle track for it.