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Top 10 Videos of 2011: 5. “Tiger Woods Fails to Qualify for Sex with Dive Bar Waitress”

January 14, 2012 | Comment

5Back in January of 2011, the reliably hilarious satirical web site The Onion branched out into broadcast TV. Onion News Network was renewed for a second season and can be seen on IFC. A second show, Onion SportsDome, appeared on Comedy Central but was cancelled in June. SportsDome can’t be called a total loss, however, because it produced at least one terrific segment which has continued as a weekly feature on the web.

GOOMF masthead

“Get Out of My Face” (often referred to by the delightful acronym “GOOMF”) is a brilliant parody of the dick-swinging, rapid fire sports pundit barking match shows which have become a staple for ESPN — ones like Around the Horn and Pardon the Interruption.1 The Onion’s first installment of GOOMF appeared in the summer of 2011, and it laid me out laughing: Read the rest of this entry »


Top 10 Videos of 2011: 6. “Dana Gould Plays the Larry King Game”

January 8, 2012 | 2 comments

6Kevin Pollak has an online chat show, helpfully called Kevin Pollak’s Chat Show. The show regularly includes a bit called “The Larry King Game” in which the guest is asked to do a bad impression of Larry King making an unlikely personal revelation, and then throwing to a phone call from a city with a funny name.

Even for naturally funny comics and actors, it’s a daunting enough task that the bit usually lasts for under thirty seconds. Comedian and former Simpsons writer Dana Gould, however, is no usual guest:

[Mildly NSFW]

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Weiner Doesn’t Have a “Problem,” He Has a Computer

June 16, 2011 | Comment

Sex advice sage and blogroll mainstay Dan Savage devoted the first ten minutes of his latest podcast episode to a passionate and astute rant about the Anthony Weiner kerfuffle. I should clarify that Dan’s commentary was recorded and released two days ago, on June 14; in it he refers specifically to Weiner’s confessional press conference, which had taken place a week earlier. Weiner’s resignation from congress didn’t occur until this morning, but it doesn’t make Dan’s argument any less relevant.

dan-savage

Dan Savage (photo: Flickr/mattoly)

Of course, the full effect is only available by hearing Dan speak his words. Nevertheless, here are some highlights for the benefit of those unable to listen (or who simply prefer to read):

My favorite question [at the press conference] was this: “Why would you do this after you were married?” Because Lord knows, nobody goes online and flirts — or masturbates, looks at [or] downloads porn, or creates through the interactive-ness of the web their own porn moments — no married person does that. The worldwide web is just this big jack-off-a-thon for single people.

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Damn That Rapture

May 22, 2011 | Comment

Today is the day after the day that was supposed to be The Day. Reviewing the coverage of what didn’t happen, the following things came to mind.

NPR/Associated Press:

The hour of the apocalypse came quietly and went the same way — leaving those who believed that Saturday evening would mark the world’s end confused, or more faithful, or just philosophical.

Some had given away earthly belongings, [and] others drained their savings accounts.

“I had some skepticism but I was trying to push the skepticism away because I believe in God,” said Keith Bauer — who hopped in his minivan in Maryland and drove his family 3,000 miles to California for the Rapture.

“I was hoping for it because I think heaven would be a lot better than this earth,” said Bauer…

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Top Ten Videos of 2010: 2. The Onion, “Sony Releases New Stupid Piece of Shit That Doesn’t Fucking Work” [NSFW... obviously]

January 11, 2011 | 1 comment

The best-laid plans of mice and men: it would have been easy to have compiled a 2010 top ten videos list of which five or more were from The Onion. Going out of my way to avoid this, I ended up with three out of ten from Funny or Die. So much for my little diversity initiative.

Of the bounty of 2010′s Onion-based hilarity, this one is the clear winner:


[click here to watch the video]

Close, but no cigar: “Breaking News: Some Bullshit Happening Somewhere”, “Thousands of Girls Match Description of Missing Sorority Sister” and “O-SPAN Classic: CIA Accidentally Overthrows Costa Rica”.

Wow… just by virtue of these videos’ titles this may be the most profane post in the history of C&B. Might as well make it official. Or rather, fuck it — might as well make this shit official. Shit fuck piss. Goddamned cunt. Cocksucker motherfucker sis-boom-bah. There, that oughta do it.


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