names

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Genealogy is a hobby similar to fantasy sports: the most interesting thing in the world is your own data/team, and the most boring thing in the world is hearing about someone else’s. With that in mind, I’m only bringing the subject up here on the blog because I found an angle that may be good for a few cheap laughs. That’s me, keeping it classy.

The silly aspect is that the 17th-18th century New England Puritans from whom I descend often gave their children first names that, suffice it to say, didn’t quite catch on. They’re strange or comical by present-day standards — but then again, we have been known to indulge in some creative nomenclature ourselves.

After the jump are a few of my favorites; let it never be said that my ancestors can’t take a joke (although I’ve found that dead people tend to be pretty good about that).

1736-map

Salmon Treat (1673 — 1746) of Preston, Connecticut; first cousin 9 times removed. The man for whom the tidbits you feed to your cat are named.

Cornelis Lambertsen Cool (c. 1585 — bef. Dec 30, 1643) of Gowanus (in Brooklyn), Long Island, New Netherlands Colony; 10th great-grandfather. A misnomer if ever I heard one. I don’t claim to speak for the rest of my family, but I have never been one of the Cool People.

Experience Strong (born c. 1650) of Northampton, Massachusetts; 8th great-grandaunt. She married Zerubbabel Filer, who probably worked his whole life to take the edge off his own first name. Her married name of Experience Strong Filer only compounds the hilarity. These two take the Couples Award, hands down. Read the rest of this entry »

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Jeff Chen recently asked, “Since everybody else is making lists of their top ten films of the decade, does that mean I have to, too?” I wouldn’t presume to speak for him, but my own answer to the same rhetorical question is a sheepish “yes.” Jeff ended up making his list, too, although I don’t know how sheepish he felt about it.

Anyway, here are my top ten…nah, screw it—twelve favorite movies of the decade just completed, i.e., 2000-2009.

  1. dogville_thumb

    Dogville (2004)

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    Mike D'Angelo, The Man Who Viewed Too Much»

  2. lives of others

    Das Leben der Anderen (The Lives of Others) (2006)

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    Kenneth Turan, Los Angeles Times»

  3. capturing the friedmans

    Capturing the Friedmans (2003)

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“Inevitably, [writer/director Lars] Von Trier’s spartan aesthetic has American critics citing Our Town, but in both method and spirit Dogville has much more in common with Brecht’s The Good Woman of Setzuan (written in Denmark, ironically), another sorrowful disquisition on the mercenary aspects of human nature. Anything this ostentatiously artificial demands to be read as allegory, of course, and charges of anti-Americanism aren’t entirely groundless — certainly the film is very, very critical of the way that the U.S. treats its underclass, and to argue that Von Trier isn’t entitled to feel that disgust without having set foot in the continental 48 is patently absurd.”

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[Writer/director Florian Henckel] von Donnersmarck has set his film in the East Germany of 1984, five years before the Berlin Wall collapsed. It was a time when the terrifying Stasi, the secret police, made it their business to use an extensive network of spies and surveillance to know every secret thing about their citizens.

Unlike other German films, most notably 2004′s landmark Goodbye, Lenin, Lives is hardly an exercise in what’s called “Ostalgia”–nostalgia for the good old days of the East. Instead it is an inside look at how a surveillance society, set up to discover and prey upon human weakness, has the ability to make everyone a potential suspect and destroy everything it touches.

The Lives of Others does all this beautifully, but it is too well-acted a film, too meticulously plotted and carefully directed, to be satisfied with that alone. It’s also finally too smart to be content with telling anything like a familiar story.”

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“If Capturing the Friedmans were less shapely and less of a masterpiece, I’d find it less troubling. Both times I’ve seen it I’ve felt that by the end practically everyone associated with the film seems tarnished in one way or another: the ostensible subjects (the Friedmans, an upper-middle-class Jewish family in the Long Island town of Great Neck), the members of their community who helped destroy much of their lives, the filmmakers, and the audience. We’re all tainted by the graphic exposure of family wounds, diminished by what we think and feel–and by what we don’t think and don’t feel.”

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You know, just… pop it in the mail slot.

Dickens Box

Flickr TOS-mandated self-credit: my Flickr page

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Oh, I know – here’s the big bad liberal blogosphere ganging up on poor Sarah Palin and her family.  I’m aware that my man Barack Obama said that candidates’ families are off limits, and in principle I think he’s right.  In practice, however, the GOP and Ms. Palin have decided to have their cake and eat it, too.  They’ve continued to play the victim card, and calling anyone who questions anything about her a sexist liberal media vulture (like that big meanie Campbell Brown), even as they flew in the teenage daddy-to-be/shotgun groom from Alaska to join them in front of the cameras and pass around a Downs Syndrome baby as though he was the Stanley Cup.  So let’s not pretend that I’m the one keeping the Palin clan in the spotlight.

Plus, if you wanted your kids to be less conspicuous, wouldn’t you give them less bizarre names?  Given the Palins’ penchant for, um… rather distinctive monikers, I don’t see how I can be expected to not want in on the fun.  Therefore…

Derek’s Top Ten Palin Baby Name Ideas

  1. Waylon
  2. Earmark
  3. Puck
  4. Drill (or, for a girl, Drillary)
  5. Spike M.
  6. Fuckin’ Redneck
  7. Pre-Calc
  8. C. Seed
  9. Lunch
  10. Michael

Did I leave any out?  Toby: I almost threw in “Zephyr Sterling,” but I decided they’re not worthy of it.

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Just now I answered the main phone line at work. It was a young woman with an Asian accent asking for one of our managers. From her flat, speaking-by-rote inflection and her mispronunciation of the manager’s name, it was obvious that she was soliciting something. Very ordinary stuff – I screen at least a few sales calls for this gentleman every workday.

“He’s not in at the moment,” I replied truthfully, although if he had been here I would have said the same thing. “Could I take your information and have him return the call?”

“Yes, please,” she answered. “My name is Jingle, that’s spelled J-I-N-G-L-E.”

I stifled the impulse to say, “Get the fuck outta here, it is NOT!” Mr. Professional. Instead, I let her give the rest of the info and think I was writing it down. She wasn’t calling from an overseas call center, but from a company I’d heard of in New York City. I ended the call and sat back to ponder.

My first several thoughts were probably what you’d expect: what kind of sadist would saddle their child with a name like “Jingle?” I’ve known some people of my generation whose hippie parents gave them names that were a little loopy, but come on. If your name was Jingle, wouldn’t you gladly trade it with someone named Summer or Leaf or Harmony?

Or, wait – could Jingle be a nickname? Maybe an approximation of a foreign name that Americans wouldn’t be able to pronounce? Still, in either case wouldn’t a sensible person adjust her name in adult life to something a little less… I don’t know, hilarious?

Then it dawned on me… OK, I get it – “Jingle!” What else could she be but a telemarketer?

Seriously, people, have you ever encountered someone with a more ludicrous name? Any theories as to what her last name might be?

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