Lately I’ve made a particular effort to notify readers of this blog when videos in my posts are NSFW (and to make clear that “NSFW” is web shorthand for Not Safe For Work). I wouldn’t like for C&B to get anyone in trouble by blaring ribaldry into the ears of your humorless work supervisors, or, as the case may be, your young children.

Video number 4 on my 2011 list may well be the most NSFW thing I’ve ever posted. Remember “The Committee” from last year’s list? “You’re So Hot” surpasses that level of dirtiness not by a wide margin, but by a clear one nevertheless. Don’t freak out — it’s not pø®n or anything. Nothing at all graphic is shown in the clip, but a whoooole lot of very graphic things are said. Which is, as you’ll see, kind of the whole point. A point, I might add, which I continue to find hilarious.

In case you’re wondering, yes, Chris Mintz-Plasse (with the bowtie) was McLovin in Superbad. And yes, Dave Franco is the younger brother of James Franco. They made a really funny series of instructional acting videos for Funny or Die a few years ago, in case you haven’t seen them.

Trivia tidbit: the brothers Franco and I grew up in the same town, Palo Alto, California (the age gap is wide enough that I don’t know them or anything, though).

I know. Right when I was chattering about the exciting momentum of my top ten videos countdown I go and hit the “pause” button for over a week, even slotting in another C&B post on an unrelated subject. What can I say? Never mind — the point is, no way would I let this list peter out. I made all these silver video-countdown icons (like the one at right), and I am damn sure gonna use ‘em.

At number 9 on this year’s list is a choice installment of Puddin’, a YouTube series described as follows by its creator:

Monday thru Friday I upload a live action cartoon. Racist, self hating, morbid, yet ironically very family friendly.

I have yet to see an episode of Puddin’ that struck me as having a racist intent. I assume he means that it’s racist in the same way that it’s “family friendly” — i.e., it’s not. At all. This particular installment is relatively tame, with only a single word rendering it NSFW. The description of Puddin’ continues,

The setup is simple. Guy sits in an office break room eating a pudding cup. Eddie Pepitone enters, or is already there. He does something. You react by laughing, wincing, asking for your 20 seconds back, or watching over and over. Easy.

Puddin’ is most obviously a showcase for Eddie Pepitone, at least at first glance. I first discovered Pepitone’s brand of New York-tinged comic umbrage on the podcast WTF with Marc Maron, where he is regularly featured as the closing guest on live-audience episodes recorded in Los Angeles.

The auteur of Puddin’, however, is Matt Oswalt, a.k.a. the guy sitting in the break room eating the pudding cup. He writes all the material, and in every episode performs the silent “slow burn” in response to Pepitone’s outrageous antics. That’s no easy feat; as you may have noticed in the video above, Oswalt appears to just barely maintain a straight face.

Recent episodes of Puddin’ have featured various others as third (or fourth) occupants of the break room, including Andy Richter, Laura Silverman, James Urbaniak, and the creator’s brother Patton Oswalt. The only comment by Matt Oswalt I have seen on the subject of his increasingly famous brother was this:

We are rolling now, my friends. With this post, we have cracked the top ten of my Top 10 Videos of 2011. Can you feel the momentum? Like a sled that’s just been nudged off the crest and onto the slope. Look out below…

Here’s video number 10, made by a fledgling artist named Charlotte Young. It doesn’t really require an introduction, because it is an introduction.

It is often observed that the key to comedy is timing. Speaking as one who has both performed comedy and composed subtitles for web videos, I can attest that getting the right timing in either is no easy trick. Getting the right timing in both at once, well… that’s top-ten level skill.

Yes, it’s that time again. I’m making my list, checking it twice, and counting down the naughtiest and nicest videos of the year now drawing to a close. There are a lot of strong contenders, so as you have no doubt noticed this year’s list goes up to 11.

Speaking of which, the number 11 video on my top ten is one that surfaced only days ago. It is the work of Alex Karigan and Zac Hammer of the Amy Marshall Dance Company, none of whom I’d heard of before… but oh, I have now. I’m not sure how to preface this video other than to say that it caught me off-guard.

What can I say? I find it both cheese-tacular and totally irresistible. Right down to the goofy socks, raspberry leotards with the little rosettes at the neck, and the no-holds-barred lip-synching to a Mariah Carey holiday jingle that I had previously thought was annoying.

On the dancers’ YouTube channel, TheYahsInitiative, I read several well-meaning comments advising them to procure a Steadicam. I actually think the slightly-shaky-but-I’m-doing-my-best handheld camera technique is part of the video’s charm. Especially when the camera itself pirouettes, seemingly caught up in the terpsichorean reverie of it all.

So bravo, Alex and Zac. Don’t go changing to try and please me.

Whereas my Second Team Hall of Namers were football players whose names are merely amusing, these First Team designees are ones whose names seem to independently declare, “this guy is an effin’ football player, my friend!”

I must admit, this one was tough because there are so, so many great candidates. Especially from the mid-century era: randomly looking at the roster of the 1947 Chicago Cardinals reveals such minor gems as Plato Andros, Babe Dimancheff, Pop Ivy, Buster Ramsey, and Walt Szot. With the purely arbitrary nature of this little exercise in mind, here are my favorite favorites.

NOTE: an asterisk after a player’s name denotes a member of the Pro Football Hall of Fame.

FIRST TEAM: NOW THAT’S A FOOTBALL PLAYER NAME

• 
  Eric Bieniemy
  pronounced “bee-EN-uh-mee”RB • San Diego Chargers (1991-94), Cincinnati Bengals (1995-98), Philadelphia Eagles (1999)

  We can all be grateful that Bieniemy chose not to attempt a post-football hip-hop career under the name B-Enemy. I can only imagine the various mockeries he must have heard on the playgrounds of his childhood: “Eric B. Enema,” “Eric B. Anthony” (from women’s suffrage history enthusiasts), etc. ESPN’s Chris Berman probably rendered any other nicknames moot when he famously dubbed him “Eric ‘Sleeping With‘ Bieniemy.”

• Carlester Crumpler
  TE • Seattle Seahawks (1994-98), Minnesota Vikings (1999)

  Who wants to get blocked by a 6’6”, 260 pound tight end named Carlester Crumpler? Not I. His younger brother Alge Crumpler was also an NFL tight end, and a pretty darn good one. It’s fair to say that Alge exceeded Carlester in all but name.

• 
  Larry Csonka*
  pronounced “ZAWN-kuh”FB • Miami Dolphins (1968-74, 1979), New York Giants (1975-78)

  It seems to me that if you’re onomatopoeically named after a concussion, you kind of have to be a football player. Unless perhaps you have the hand speed to be a boxer… nah, football player still feels more appropriate. Especially if you ever watched Larry Csonka run over people.

• D’Brickashaw Ferguson
  OT, New York Jets (2006- )

  I picture him training by pulling a rickshaw filled with bricks. Or a brick rickshaw. Ferguson and whichever athletic label is currently producing the Jets’ uniforms should make that image into a poster. Huge dude charging right at you pulling a brick-filled rickshaw, and underneath that the logo and the large font, all-caps declaration D’BRICKASHAW. You’re welcome, Mr. Ferguson.

• 
  Lou Groza*
  pronounced “GROW-zuh”OT/K • Cleveland Browns, (1946-67)

  There is a general shortage of guys named Lou in the NFL these days. Not to mention offensive linemen who do double duty as kickers, or have nicknames like “The Toe.”

• Bronko Nagurski*
  pronounced “nuh-GURR-skee”FB/OT/LB • Chicago Bears (1930-37, 1943)

  Born Bronislaw Nagurski in 1908, he dominated during the 30′s with his combination of speed, strength and relative hugeness for that time: 6’2″ and 226 lbs. He retired from football before the 1938 season to focus on the more lucrative endeavor of professional wrestling, but was lured back in 1943 by legendary coach George Halas to help fill the Bears’ depleted wartime roster. It worked, as Nagurski was a key factor in Chicago’s winning the ’43 NFL Championship.

• 
  Dat Nguyen
  
  pronounced “WHEN”LB • Dallas Cowboys (1999-2005)

  There’s just something to these two-syllable names that sounds like… impact. Like Emilio Estevez said when he threatened Judd Nelson in The Breakfast Club: “Two hits: me hitting you, you hitting the ground.” Incidentally, according to PFR Nguyen is still the only player in NFL history to have been born in Vietnam.

• Lyle Rockenbach
  
  OG • Detroit Lions (1943)

  Damn — if only because of that name, the guy must have deserved to play more than one year in the league. My googling reveals that he served in the Navy during World War II, presumably after his one season with the Lions. His bach-rockin’ name was then wasted on a career as a sales manager in the chemical industry.

• 
  Jack Scarbath
  
  QB • Washington Redskins (1953-54), Pittsburgh Steelers (1956)

  Yeech, there’s a gory mental image… if only to banish it, a not-gory physical image is at right. “Scarbath” seems more emblematic than threatening on a quarterback, a position much more likely to absorb physical punishment than mete it out.

• Webster Slaughter
  
  WR • Cleveland Browns (1986-91), Houston Oilers (1992-94), Kansas City Chiefs (1995), New York Jets (1996), San Diego Chargers (1998)

  The only un-badass thing about it was that he was a wideout, and in football terms, a little guy at 6'1″ and 175 lbs.

• 

  The original hothead

  Otis Sistrunk
  DT/DE • Oakland Raiders (1972-78)

  My personal numero-uno football player name in the history of ever. To me, a single-digit-aged kid growing up in the Bay Area, the true personification of the John Madden-era Raiders was not one of the most often-cited figures: not scrappy left-handed quarterback Ken Stabler, nor the gangly star linebacker Ted Hendricks, nor the stickum-slathered wideout Fred Biletnikoff, nor all-pro guard Art Shell, nor the doughy, angst-ridden Madden himself, nor even the ubiquitously track-suited figure of the late Al Davis. No, I liked the big guy in the number 60 jersey. The dude with the shaved head¹ and the gap-toothed smile and the funny name. Otis Sistrunk was as imposing, hard to move, and (in my imagination, at least) generally amiable as the pachyderm his name called to mind. He was like a football-playing Babar. What’s not to love?

• Mac Speedie
  
  E • Cleveland Browns (1946-52)

  His middle name was Curtis, but his first name really was “Mac” and his last name really was “Speedie.” Poor guy was born too soon — he could have made a fortune as a pitchman for mac ‘n cheese in a box. Either that, or become a character on Grey’s Anatomy with, er, stamina problems.

• 
  Jack Youngblood*
  
  DE • Los Angeles Rams (1971-84)

  Played for much of his career alongside his brother, Rams linebacker Jim Youngblood. That’s a lot of blood on the field before the ball is even snapped. I hated these guys, because they played for the arch-rivals of my lifelong rooting allegiance, the San Francisco 49ers. Of course, that was back when L.A. could be bothered to keep a pro football franchise.