George Washington

When I was a kid I would read and re-read the two or three volumes then in circulation of The Book of Lists, a repository of trivia compiled by the producers of The People’s Almanac. Thus began my career as a walking archive of mostly useless information. The books did, however, establish in me an early appreciation for lists which may now finally pay off: many respected authorities in the field of blogging have advised that lists are a device which tends to enhance blog readership.

I’ve started a new category here at C&B, cryptically titled “Lists.” Some of the lists will be ordered, some will be unordered, and some will be not what you ordered. Maybe at some point if I get really fancy with it, some of them may even have items AND sub-items! If you want to see all of the lists together on one page… well, for the moment just click on the “Lists” category (or tag, once I either get UTW to work again or switch plugins… if you have no idea what I’m talking about, just ignore this). My grand visions of this blog’s future will have a much cooler solution, but for now… yadda yadda yadda. Without further ado, here’s my inaugural list:

My Favorite Things Ever Said

• “We may be through with the past, but the past ain’t through with us.”P.T. Anderson, Magnolia (1999)
• “There are two kinds of people in the world: those who divide the world into two kinds of people, and those who don’t.”Robert Benchley (attributed)
• “I got fired last year in Las Vegas from the Frontier Hotel, for saying ‘shit’ in a town where the big game is called ‘crap.’ That’s some kind of a double standard, you know? I’m sure there was some Texan standing out in the casino yelling ‘Aw, shit, I crapped!’ And they fly those guys in free, you know? Fired me. Shit.”George Carlin
• “What do dogs do on their day off? Can’t lie around — that’s their job!”George Carlin
• “As a nation, we began by declaring that ‘all men are created equal.’ We now practically read it ‘all men are created equal, except Negroes.’ When the Know-Nothings get control, it will read ‘all men are created equal, except Negroes and foreigners and Catholics.’ When it comes to this, I shall prefer emigrating to some country where they make no pretense of loving liberty — to Russia, for instance, where despotism can be taken pure and without the base alloy of hypocrisy.”Abraham Lincoln, 1855
• “At what point shall we expect the approach of danger? By what means shall we fortify against it? Shall we expect some transatlantic military giant to step the Ocean, and crush us at a blow? Never! All the armies of Europe, Asia and Africa combined… could not by force take a drink from the Ohio, or make a track on the Blue Ridge, in a trial of a thousand years… If destruction be our lot, we must ourselves be its author and finisher. As a nation of freemen, we must live through all time, or die by suicide.”Abraham Lincoln, 1838
• “I don’t want to belong to any club that would accept me as a member.”Groucho Marx
• “I have a higher and grander standard of principle than George Washington. He could not tell a lie; I can, but I won’t.”Mark Twain
• “I haven’t a particle of confidence in a man who has no redeeming petty vices whatsoever.”Mark Twain
• “The good thing about science is that it’s true whether or not you believe in it.”Neil deGrasse Tyson