Nobody Goes Sleeveless

Freshmakerccino?

Back in the day, the sleeve was for your protection. It was a 60% post-consumer fiber barrier between your precious drinking hand and the scalding side effects of an otherwise delicious cup of coffee. After a little while, corporate America inevitably got around to adorning the coffee sleeve with ad copy, or at least some brand marketing. Phew! My God, people - we can’t just have blank cardboard sitting there in people’s hands!

Today the coffee sleeve marketing channel took a turn for the absurd. I wouldn’t have known about this had I not needed cash to get out of the Encino Medical Center parking lot (proof positive that the Blog God watches over us all). The parking lot attendant told me that if I bought something with my ATM card in the coffee shop, they would give me change in cash. Thus did I end up with the Mochaccino Freeze pictured here, its gratuitous sleeve adorned with the sample packet of Altoids. So I was left there wondering, just how cold is this drink? Do I need gloves? If so, what kind of protection do you have for the inside of my mouth? Based on the evidence, my breath was the least of my worries.

As pretty much anyone surely would, I detached the mints and threw them away before I even took a sip. Turns out the mochaccino tasted like it had 60% post-consumer fiber ground up inside it (and possibly another packet of Altoids, wrapper and all). At least it got my car out of the parking lot.