It’s August 26th, Assholes

As some of you may recall, back on February 4th I put up a post which began:

It’s February 4th, assholes. Do you still actually think the city garbage men are going to pick up your Christmas tree?

Why mention it again, lo these many months later? Yes, I’m afraid so:

At this point, I’ll give these neighbors the minimal benefit of doubting they still think the garbage men are going to pick up their tree. The question, however, remains — what the fuck, you guys?

Maybe they’re colorblind, and can no longer visually detect the tree’s discolored corpse against the neutral tones of the street and the barren weed patch it lies upon. It would be nice if they turned out to be forensic botanists, conducting an experiment to find out how long it takes for a Christmas tree to completely decompose. Unfortunately, that scenario’s pleasantness doesn’t make it any likelier to be true. That leaves only the Ockham’s razor (commonly, “the simplest explanation is usually the correct one”) explanation, which is that they simply don’t give a shit.

As long as I’m tossing out eponymous adages, I think I may have hit upon a new spinoff of Hanlon’s razor (“never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity”). Dig it:

Never attribute to either malice or stupidity that which is adequately explained by apathy.

Whaddya think? I’ve gone back and forth on whether to have the last factor be “laziness” instead of “apathy,” or the compounded “laziness or apathy,” or maybe “indifference.”

Also, if this little semi-invention is worth keeping, then what should it be called? Wood’s razor? I’m tempted to dub it something cheekier (no pun intended), like Wood’s razor burn, or Wood’s disposable razor, or (in the spirit of apathy) Wood’s saying thingy.

Suggestions? Votes? Palin-esque “refudiations?” Put ‘em in the comments!