Palin, Pigs and Pit Bulls

You know what?  After the election, I think I’m actually going to miss Sarah Palin and John McCain.  Or rather, my blog will – with the way that campaign is representing her in the press, the jokes just write themselves.  By the tens.

So Obama remarked that McCain’s platform does not represent a proposal for change, as advertised, but rather is like putting lipstick on a pig.  The McCain camp seized upon this remark and expressed its absurd faux-outrage that the unbelievably, horribly, unforgivably sexist Democrat candidate had called Gov. Palin a pig.

Hurh?  Exactly.  Apparently, in the McCain worldview Sarah Palin owns the copyright on the concept of lipstick.  She laid claim to it at the recent GOP convention, where she attempted a curious combination of self-promotion and comedy by declaring that the difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull was, in a word, “lipstick.”

Sarah Palin
(Photo: Wikimedia Commons/Therealbs2002)

A pit bull
(Photo: Flickr – audreyjm529)

Aside from being something less than a knee-slapper, this statement (like so many things Gov. Palin says) demonstrably inaccurate.  First off, she’s not interested in selling us on hockey moms as a group, she’s interested in selling us on herself.  With the pit bull thing, she’s trying to suggest that she’s tough, a badass.  But it doesn’t wash – there plenty of differences between her and a pit bull.

Top Ten Other Differences Between Sarah Palin and a Pit Bull

1. Pit bulls don’t lie about their ear markings
2. Palin: wants to be your V.P.  Pit bull: wants your B.L.T.
3. Takes longer to train a pit bull to roll over for special treats
4. One is often used as an attack dog by crooked scumbags… and the other is a pit bull
5. Pit bulls generally produce a litter of five to seven pups… OK, bad example
6. Palin: saw Juneau in person, decided to move there.  Pit bull: saw Juno on DVD, decided to nap
7. Pit bulls produce pit bull shit; Palin leaves out the “pit”
8. A pit bull doesn’t need a gun to take down a moose
9. A pit bull would never hide its desire to receive a big barrel of pork
10. You can spay a pit bull

That’s not all, either – not if you folks out there have any more to add.  Let’s hear ‘em!