Oh, I know – here’s the big bad liberal blogosphere ganging up on poor Sarah Palin and her family. I’m aware that my man Barack Obama said that candidates’ families are off limits, and in principle I think he’s right. In practice, however, the GOP and Ms. Palin have decided to have their cake and eat it, too. They’ve continued to play the victim card, and calling anyone who questions anything about her a sexist liberal media vulture (like that big meanie Campbell Brown), even as they flew in the teenage daddy-to-be/shotgun groom from Alaska to join them in front of the cameras and pass around a Downs Syndrome baby as though he was the Stanley Cup. So let’s not pretend that I’m the one keeping the Palin clan in the spotlight.
Plus, if you wanted your kids to be less conspicuous, wouldn’t you give them less bizarre names? Given the Palins’ penchant for, um… rather distinctive monikers, I don’t see how I can be expected to not want in on the fun. Therefore…
Derek’s Top Ten Palin Baby Name Ideas
- Waylon
- Earmark
- Puck
- Drill (or, for a girl, Drillary)
- Spike M.
- Fuckin’ Redneck
- Pre-Calc
- C. Seed
- Lunch
- Michael
Did I leave any out? Toby: I almost threw in “Zephyr Sterling,” but I decided they’re not worthy of it.
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Well, Michael is the punster in OUR family and I knew this would be right up his alley. So I asked him to come up with one or two and withing minutes he had a list of his own. For better or worse…
Eve Angelical
Hallie Burton
Iditarod
Rove Wade
Jay L. Bait
Hunter Age
Anita Newprez
Rye Twing
The only one I came up with myself was McCain Palin, but only because I keep seeing it on signs. Its almost becoming catchy!
Urgh… yeah, catchy like chicken pox.
“Hunter Age” – ha! Nice one, works on a couple of levels. Although it does give rise to the unsettling thought that the fetus is probably the only member of the Palin family that she would say is too young to buy a firearm.
Hey! How about this one! Remember the movie “Juno” from last summer about the teen girl who found out she was pregnant? So… how about…
JUNEAU!
Since the family will likely have the child take the name of the one the shotgun is pointed at (that’s the traditional way at least), the baby’s last name will be Johnston. So with that in mind here is my list:
10. Spirit – After Levi’s beloved Wasilla Spirit (Avalanche if it’s a boy).
09. Button Fly
08. Daniel Dale (Google it, he rocks)
07. Speeding Motorcycle (see above)
06. Chappaquiddick Palin
05. 501
04. Myexes Kid
03. I don’t know man but some name that f****** kicks a**
02. Unbuttoned fly
01. My High school Senior Project
© John Moreno
© John, I guess you’re right re: Johnston as opposed to Palin. OTOH, I was also thinking of it as a list of names for future offspring of the Governor herself, since she’s proven herself to be an advocate for, uh, fetal-Americans.
Also, today I my friend Summer’s blog made me aware of this. My result:
Roller Texas Palin.